So obviously I’m not the best at this whole blogging
thing…life has been so crazy busy! I can’t believe it’s been two months since I
returned back from Africa. It’s been a hard transition. I miss the kids every
day, and Ryan and I find ourselves often talking about them. I hate missing
them grow up, seeing them laugh, playing games with them and praying with them.
I miss giggling with Ash and watching Jon get frustrated when dealing with the
painters. I miss long runs with Ash, Seraphin and Augustin. I miss a lot of
things, but I am thankful for the opportunity to stay involved while here in
America. My African family has changed Ryan and I’s life and we are forever
grateful. If you would like to get involved, feel free to email me or donate
online at treeoflifeusa.org
I realized one thing more and more…whether I’m on the other
side of the world or right here in Michigan, the same thing remains true. “He
gives and He takes away.” It’s something I can’t always comprehend. I find
myself questioning God’s goodness at times when things that I think should stay
are taken away. Loss is something that is a part of life and whether is loss of
a family member, job, house, friend, spouse etc…it’s still a loss. As many
know, our sweet Layla Roo was taken to a new home yesterday. My family is
really going to have a hard time and is already feeling like a piece of our
home is missing.
It was May 7, 2012 that a sweet baby girl was born into this
world and May 9, 2012, that she was born into mine. I ALWAYS wanted a sister,
but thankfully have been blessed with great friends that have been my
“sisters.” It wasn’t until May 9th that I thought maybe my wish had
come true! She was perfect! Brown carmely skin, tiny lips and beautiful
features. I was in love. She captured the hearts of my family more than we ever
expected. Her first few weeks of life, I watched her lay in a hospital bed
recovering from drugs, and wondered how someone could ever do this to their
child. Not one family member came to see her. I fell even more in love with her
in those moments and thank God for healing her. I called her Layla, which means
“beauty of the night.” She was beautiful and had brown skin like the night (my
favorite!). I watched her grow to blow kisses, walk, giggle, and get into
everything! Everyone called her
our “baby girl” for that is what she was. She loved to cuddle and always be
around people. She was a part of our family….
It wasn’t until Monday, March 25, 2013, that we were made
aware that she would no longer be a part of our family. We were all in shock
and thought of all the things we could attempt to change it. Unfortunately, our
family of 9 went to a family of 8 yesterday. My mom, dad and I went to drop
“Baby Girl” off at her new home. I felt like Sandra Bullock in the blind side
when she took Michael to visit his mom and she had been evicted. The neighborhood
was the same. It’s one thing in foster care to give a child to a family that
you feel at peace about, but it’s another to take your baby you’ve had for a
year to the projects.
Our car was silent on the way home, and I still think we are
all in shock. It’s the way it goes with foster care. The system is messed up
and unfortunately, they don’t put the kids best interest at the top of anyone’s
list. I couldn’t help but question God…”God, you really think this situation is
better for her?” “You really think she’ll be safe?” And then I remembered
something… Ryan and I have been in a new Bible study for a couple of weeks now
and have heard one of the moms say “Children are like guests in your home that
God trusts you with, but they don’t belong to you…they belong to him.” I’ve
seen God’s goodness enough in my life to know that He knows what He is doing. I
seen it enough to trust him, believe in him, and know that he has Layla’s best
interest in mind. He knows the numbers of the hairs on her head, so he surely knows
her little hearts desires.
That leads me to the end of the song…”You give and take
away, but my heart will choose to say, Blessed me the Name of the Lord.” He is
a good God and worthy of all our praise no matter the circumstance. We will
continue to pray for Layla, that she will know the Lord and be raised to be a
God fearing woman who puts Him first in all she does. You will be missed Baby
Girl…we love you so much.
